You left me all Alone
by Silva-trees
Summary: Axel and Roxas were best friends before Roxas was taken at 14, now two years later he returns and is a completely different person. Can only Axel draw out the person he used to be? Zemyx,SoraXRiku, AkuRoku Other pairing later. Yaoi. Other minor plotlines.
1. Your Tears don't fall

'You left me all alone'

By Silva-Trees

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Roxas or Axel or any of the KH Characters. If I did, I'd scrap the stupid bit where Roxas walks away from Axel saying 'Nobody would miss me' and have Axel swing him round and yell what he says at him. Then **'MWAH!'** biiiig kiss. But that's just me ;;;; Hehe.

**Summary:** Axel and Roxas were best friends before Roxas was taken at 14, now two years later he returns and is a completely different person. Can only Axel draw out the person he used to be? His twin brother Sora has also changed, but he's found Riku and it's for the better. Yaoi. Zemyx, AkuRoku and SoraXRiku. May be more pairings later.

I'm not quite sure how I will write this, occasionally in POVs or maybe just third person. If there is a POV I will state whose it is before typing any further. This is a **Yaoi/Shonen-ai** fic, if you don't like that kind of thing (e.g. **BoyXBoy**) then I'd advise you **not** to read.

The characters might be **OOC** if so, I'm sorry but it's just how I write. Also this is an **AU (Alternate Universe) **fic, which means it, will differ completely from the came. Nothing in common really, except for the characters being from the game.

I was writing my other Kingdom Hearts fic, when I realised I hadn't written anything AkuRoku yet, which is amazing as that's the couple I fell in love with before I even played any of the games. So here it is my AkuRoku fic. It does have other pairings in it, but is based mainly around Axel and Roxas. I also **had** to throw in Zexion and Demyx as I am gradually coming to love them too.

Right just to help '_thoughts'_ is Roxas thinking usually, but occasisionally it might have him thinking without the ''. This chapter is in third person and other people's POVs. **Enjoy!**

* * *

_A young fourteen year old wanders down the street of closed shops, he's smiling slightly as he rethinks events that happened earlier that day. His light blond hair is darkened by the pouring rain, that spatters down on the pavement; swirling into the drains. _

_Lost in a daydream, he fails to notice the black, unrecognisable car that's slowly following him down the street like a cougar stalking its prey. He steps into a puddle and swears slightly, before pulling his baggy, too big jeans further up his hips. _

_His clothes are completely soaked from the on going rain and yet he doesn't seem to mind, infact why should he? He can easily change when he gets home from school and drink hot chocolate with his twin brother, who's currently off school, with a sickbug. _

_Roxas doesn't mind walking alone, infact he walked alone quite often. In his opinion, when you're on your own there's no one to bug you with annoying ideas or comments about how your clothing seems kinda dark today Rox, and then proceed to ask if you're feeling okay. In which you have to reply, that you are but just felt like wearing black today. Although you can't really get mad at them, as black is a drastic change from his usual wardrobe._

_He smiles thinking of his twin, and how Riku obviously doesn't like him _just_ as a friend. Everyone except Sora can see how obvious Riku is, although all of their friends are too nice to say anything about it. Riku will tell Sora in his own time, no one's really quite sure if Sora likes Riku back. Yet Roxas knows, he can tell that his brother is in love with his best friend…Even if he doesn't realise it yet._

_The car makes a slight squeak as the back door is opened, revealing a guy dressed in black. His hair is black with a grey streak in it, and his face is exposed to the stormy sky, revealing skin that's pocketed with scars. Roxas' eyes widen briefly and he speaks quietly before attempting to run._

'_Who are you? What do you want?' His eyes dart to the car, and knowledge that is taught to you in primary school flashes in his head. _If a stranger approaches you, ignore them and run to the safest place you know, then call the police, or tell an adult.

_The stranger's mouth twists in to a wolfish smile, before he chases after Roxas and drags him towards the car, hand over his mouth to prevent the screams of horror. Later Roxas would discover the name of his capturer was, Xigbar._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Roxas' eyes widen in fear, and his thrashing limbs being encased in the duvet. Sitting up in bed, he places a hand to his head, _'That dream again.'_ He sighed and lay back down, hands behind his head, attempting to slow his breathing.

'_It's okay Roxas that happened two years ago, you managed to get away from them six months ago…Just don't freak out. They can't hurt you anymore.'_ Another deep breath, his mind was still in turmoil. _Screw this_. Clambering out of bed, he went to sit beside his window, eyes clouded and sad. _They can't hurt me anymore…They can't. Right?_

Even though he had managed to escape from them, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he would never truly be free of them. It felt as though he was on a leash, that would slowly grow tighter and tighter, until it would pull him back to them.

_Think positive Roxas._ He tried to cast all negative thoughts from his mind, dwelling on them only caused more suffering, pain, self-loathing and paranoia. Roxas knew all about those emotions, he had been feeling them non-stop for two years and six months.

Tearing his gaze away from the moon, he stood up and walked towards his door, shivering slightly, his thin linen pants that he slept in didn't keep him very warm. Opening it as quietly as he could, he slipped out into the gloom of the upstairs landing.

_Maybe seeing Sora would calm me down slightly?_ Nodding, he gently opened his twin brother's room, and walked silently inside. Sora's cinnamon spikes were rumpled from sleep, as Roxas stared down at his older brother, by ten minutes; he felt such sadness and loneliness creeping into his heart. He knew how much pain he was causing his twin.

Sora couldn't cope with the fact that Roxas had gone missing and when he returned, two years older, that he couldn't deal with human contact of any kind. So the much relieved Sora couldn't hug his twin that he had missed so much. Roxas wanted to be able to let him, but whenever _anyone_ touched him, it brought back vivid memories that he had tried to bury.

Disturbing, morbid memories that he couldn't deny from his past, even though he may want to with his entire being. He was damaged. But even damaged things can be repaired over time, until you can't even see the cracks which faintly reveal the brokenness. Roxas just needed to find the person who could mend his cracks.

He sighed gently, before reaching out a pale, cool finger and lightly touching Sora and the forehead. _I know I may not show it, but I do care about you Sora. You're my brother…I'm just so sorry._ Hanging his head, he removed his finger gently and turned away. One clear tear slid down his cheek.

_I'm so useless._

* * *

**Axel's POV:**

Roxas, you've finally returned, but it feels like I don't know you at all. We used to have this connection…Its gone now; you've placed a steel wall around your heart and emotions. I feel so alone, and cold.

The hope I had is fading, but I won't give up on you Roxas. Never, you're worth fighting for till the end of time itself.

Listen to me now, I sound like I'm Romeo, a lovesick Romeo at that. All I need to do to complete my look is pull on some tights and prance around in them declaring my love. Shit, that's creepy.

_Shudder_.

Why can't I sleep? I'm constantly thinking of Roxas, he occupies every thought I have, well except fire, but I bet soon those thoughts will be mingled with Roxy ones. Not that that's a bad thing, it just means I can't think about anything else.

Roxas…what happened to us? Hey that makes me think of a song that I used to be addicted to. 'What happened to us?' By Hoobastank. Hey! Leave me alone, so I have a varied taste, silence fools!

I really should get some sleep; ah Insomnia can be a bitch some time. Roxas…Why don't you trust me? I would never hurt you…I l-l-love you.

My unruly head hit the pillow and the last thing I remember was Roxas' expression, when I found him six months ago. It held hope, pain and fear all crammed into one. It hurt, to see fear and pain in his eyes when looked at me.

* * *

**Belle's POV:**

I can't believe I let it happen. If I'd only been more careful…Roxas would've been exactly as he was two years ago. He's changed so much; if his appearance changed I wouldn't recognise him at all. It's my entire fault.

His father and I split up two months after he went missing. We both blamed each other, but I see now it was _my_ fault. If I'd only…walked with him or made him wait for Axel. Thing's might've been different. Instead I have a depressed, emotional wreck of a son, who won't tell anyone anything. A counsellor is completely out of the option, as he's nervous around people he knows well, let alone a complete stranger.

One good point is he's going to back to school in two days. I hope he's prepared; Sora should look out for him. Oh Sora, my poor baby. He's also changed, taking all the blame not only for Roxas but my failed marriage. I don't know how to tell him its not his but mine, I've tried to already and he ended up crying and walking away. That solved nothing.

Maybe Riku can convince him? That boy always managed to work wonders with Sora. I'm only hoping Axel will be the same with Roxas. I have a sneaking suspicion that both Riku and Axel are gay or Bi and love my sons. Well I'm perfectly okay with that. Your heart chooses your soul mate, gender is of no importance. Besides, both of those boys would make excellent partners, although I won't say that. It's too embarrassing for them, although their faces would be hilarious to see.

I know that sleep has scuttled away from me, no hope of regaining any dreams I had. All I would have is nightmares anyway. I glance at the clock, its 7:30am anyway, that's not too early. I'll just get up and cook breakfast, or go for a run…

Walking into the bathroom, I shower and pull on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Looks like it's a run today. I slide out of my room, creeping along the landing. Wait…There's a light on in Roxas' room. No harm in looking.

I stick my head round the door; he's slumped on his bed, asleep. Curled up on top of the duvet, he's going to get cold that way. I have a dilemma, due to reasons he won't tell us, Roxas is an extremely light sleeper, so if I try to drape anything on top of him or pull the duvet over him, he'd wake up and going by the dark circles under his eyes; I'd say he hasn't been sleeping well.

With a silent sigh, I withdraw my head. I guess he'll just have to get cold, his window's not open so he shouldn't freeze or anything. Hmmm…On second thought. I stick my head round the door again and creep inside his room, slipping over to the radiator I crank up the heat measure, there he should be warmer now.

Creeping out of his room with a small smile on my face, I then proceed to tip-toe down the stairs. Swiping a bottle of water out of the fridge, a fleece off of the hook in the hall, scrawling a small note of _Be back soon, gone for a run – Mom._ And I'm ready to leave.

Hopefully Sora will wake up first, Roxas now has a thing about people going out alone and even though he's terrified he'd insist on going out after me. Sora would read the note then scrunch it up and go ahead to make breakfast. Please let Sora wake up first. Roxas needs to sleep more, although knowing him he's probably awake now. His biological clock goes off really early.

Quietly shutting the door behind me, I begin to jog lightly along the path. It's too early even for the birds, no sound in the slightly chilly morning air. I fail to notice a small face at the window of a bedroom upstairs.

* * *

**Roxas' POV:**

I watch her walk away; I knew that sometime I'd have to let her run alone. I was smothering her and worrying her, with the amount of times she caught me awake when I should've been sleeping. I just can't sleep though, I try to, I really do…It just always seems to fail. When I do sleep, I'm tormented with dreams of those days when I wanted to die.

Trying to convince myself that nothing will happen to her, I return to what I was doing before she came in to check up on me. I'm so lucky to have such family members that care about me so much. The drawing of her lies on my desk, half finished. Her smile shines out of the paper.

I draw. That's all I can say, ever since I was small I've always drawn my emotions or any muses that I had. Drawing…I can lose myself in, and I'm pretty decent at, nothing special but its okay. Returning to the drawing, I sketch in her dark hair and almond eyes. She's so beautiful, I know that no matter how much I try the picture will never be able to compare to her.

Maybe music can help me tap into the muse that surrounds her whole being; full of light and love. I climb across my bed to reach and find my mp3 player. Scanning through the songs, I discover a song that never ceases to cause an emotional wave of feelings erupt. I hide my tears and pain from the world, guys are meant to be strong and never cry. Looks like I'm a failure at that too.

The familiar words echo through my speakers:

_What I thought wasn't mine  
In the light  
Was a one of a kind,  
A precious pearl_

_When I wanted to cry  
I couldn't cause I  
Wasn't allowed_

_Gomenasai for everything  
Gomenasai, I know I let you down  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now_

_What I thought wasn't all  
So innocent  
Was a delicate doll  
Of porcelain_

_When I wanted to call you  
And ask you for help  
I stopped myself_

_Gomenasai for everything  
Gomenasai, I know I let you down  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now_

_What I thought was a dream  
A mirage  
Was as real as it seemed  
A privilege_

_When I wanted to tell you  
I made a mistake  
I walked away_

_Gomenasai, for everything  
Gomenasai, Gomenasai, Gomenasai  
I never needed a friend,  
Like I do now_

_Gomenasai, I let you down  
Gomenasai, Gomenasai,  
Gomenasai till the end  
I never needed a friend  
Like I do now_

I sigh, throwing down the drawing and just lie on my bed, staring into space. That song always manages to get to me, it seems to have a hidden meaning…It hurts. I don't want to remember anymore, I used to think if I never thought about when I was away, then my brain would blank out those memories. It seems even my brain is against me.

Typical, just bloody typical.

I hear Sora stirring in the room next door, then his padded footsteps muffled by the carpet. My door creaks slightly and I instinctively shut my eyes. I hear him sigh.

'Rox, I know you're awake, since when have you ever slept. I'm curious though, you must've heard Mom leaving…Why didn't you follow her?'

Opening my eyes with resignation, I shake my hair and look up at Sora. 'It's time…I let her go. I can't follow her around forever, trying to protect her from everything out there. Even if my heart doesn't want to accept that, my brain already has.'

I see a small smile break across Sora's face. 'Rox…You got it. We have to let Mom go out, alone with an escort all the time. Else she'd grow sick of us right?' He smiled at me sheepishly. 'I know how you felt though; I was exactly like that too…after you…weren't…here.'

Looks like he's still not comfortable with saying I was kidnapped, sexually abused all that jazz. Although they don't know about the sexual bit, I think mom suspects but Sora…I don't think it's even crossed his mind.

In all truth, I'm glad. My innocent twin is still too young and naïve to know such things can happen to people you know in real life. I wouldn't want to twist his happiness of me returning with sinister and morbid thoughts.

Smiling slightly at Sora, I pull myself out of bed and motion to the door 'Shall we go downstairs? Breakfast anyone?' He grins and walks past me, careful not to even brush my bare skin.

He knows the reaction I can't help experiencing when my skin comes into physical contact with another person. It involves many shakes and my mind is clouded with fear, then I end up blacking out. Gradually it's been improving.

I hope so, as I've got high school in two days…well one and a half days now? High school is renowned for its touchy feely-ness. People brushing by other people, I guess I'll just have to wear long sleeves and cover myself up a lot. I hope its cold on that day else I'll look like a complete spaz.

* * *

**Sora's POV:**

I could see Roxas was panicking about high school, I can understand though. He was totally freaking about the personal space issue he has. Looks like it's time for me to comfort him. 'Rox…Don't worry about school okay? You'll be fine and I think any one of our friends is in all of your classes. Axel's in most of them so don't worry. We're your bodyguards.' I couldn't resist tagging that last bit along.

Roxas smiled at me gratefully. 'Thanks Sora, yeah I'm just being overly paranoid.' Its times like this that I wish I could hug him, just to comfort him or convince him that we do care. I know that's impossible but it doesn't stop me from wishing.

'Guys, I'm home!' Mom's back. Roxas and I exchanged glances before smiling simultaneously and rushing downstairs. I let him get ahead, before I didn't want to risk touching his personal space, he like has a radar that can tell him how close other people are. It's pretty amazing.

He stopped just before mom and smiled at her, then reached out his little pinky. That was how he greeted people if he wanted to make physical contact, and he doesn't touch them for long. It shows that he cares and wants to be able to hug them. He has yet to do that to me, I know he probably doesn't realize it, but I still feel empty when I see him doing that to mom or Axel and not to me.

Trying to put it out of my mind, I smile as Mom returns the gesture to him and smiles, all her love concentrated into that one smile, she then looks past him and beams at me, before holding out her other pinky.

I feel a sudden flood of love for my mom; she always knows what I'm thinking. Gratefully I reach out with my pinky to connect with hers, and then realize with shock that Roxas is also holding out his other pinky towards me. Grinning, I outstretch my unused pinky to his.

We all walk through to the kitchen, I grab cereal boxes out of the cupboard and bowls, Mom fetches the fruit juice while Roxas struggles with the huge, immense fruit bowl we have. Smiling slightly I hoist it out of his arms and place it on the counter. Even though we're nearly identical twins, I'm the slightly taller one, but Roxas is stronger than I am, well usually…That strength seems to be non-existent when it comes to the fruit bowl carrying.

I'd advise you though, never challenge Roxas to a fight though, he beats everyone. Even Riku and Axel didn't stand a chance against him, while he was gone, he learnt immense self-defence…but then I guess he'd have to. For someone so scrawny he can pack a mean punch.

'So I hear Riku and Axel are coming round today to get you guys, where you going?' Oh yeah, Mom just reminded me. I'd forgotten about that. Next to me, Roxas is wolfing down fruit, that's all he seems to eat now well in the mornings anyway, it seems he forgot too. Well judging by the curses he's muttering as he leaves the table to head upstairs. He stops at the door though and turns around. 'Thanks Mom, Sora.' He's then is off to get changed.

As soon as he's out of the door, Mom turns towards me, 'So, did you wake before him?' I raise an eyebrow at her skeptically.

'Mom since when have I _ever_ woken before Roxas? His body clock seems to always manage to wake him up before anyone else. Infact I'm not even sure he slept last night, atleast he didn't sleep well.' She sighs and looks down at the note she left.

'Yeah I know, I was hoping that he would manage to get atleast a few hours, when I went into his room earlier, he nearly fooled me into thinking that he was asleep, yet somehow I knew he wasn't. I knew he was only pretending so I didn't worry as much. It doesn't stop me worrying though…'

Poor Mom, I know Roxas doesn't mean to make us worry, but he does. I also know he's extremely conscious of how much we worry and it affects him. He really tries to sleep, I know he does from the countless times I sat outside his room and listened to his nightmares. All I can say to that is I had no idea things were that bad…What he must've had to go through to prevent him from even sleeping. He fears that whoever took him away in the first place will return to take him away once more. That's his greatest fear I think, that and one of us discovering what really happened to him.

'Well Mom, I better go get dressed, don't want to make Riku, Axel and Roxy wait now do I.' I smile at her cheerily before dumping my cereal bowl in the sink and heading upstairs. What should I wear today? I wonder what Roxas is wearing, I'll go peek.

Silently creeping to his door, I push it slowly open to have Roxas watching me. Oops. Damn. 'Sora…You know you could just ask me instead of spying to see what I'm wearing.' 'Yeah well, this way's more fun. Even though you catch me every time.'

Glancing at Rox, I see he's wearing dark blue slightly baggy jeans, and a light blue t-shirt that matches his eyes. He's also thrown a thick blue hoodie into it too, to protect him from the chill and also the whole touching people thing.

I'm envious to say that he looks great in anything; I'm the one who actually has to try. It's not fair, he doesn't even care what he looks like, yet why do I have to be the one who has to wear selective clothing else I look stupid.

Mock glaring at him, I say jealously. 'You look awesome Roxy.' He shrugs and glares at me for calling him Roxy, he always hated that name and so I take pleasure in calling him that for fun. He knows I don't mean it though.

Oh Mom's calling. 'Roxas, Sora they're here.' Oh crap. I'm late, gazing pleadingly at Roxas I almost beg him. Rolling his eyes he sighs, 'Don't worry Sora. I'll distract them…somehow.' He looks unsure yet still motions for me to go get in the shower.

Grinning at him with big thankful eyes, I run into my room, sweep up some clothes and head for the bathroom. 'Thanks Roxy, you're the best.'

'SHUT UP! Stop calling me Roxy.'

Concealing my giggles, I lock the shower door before an angry Roxas can catch sight of me and say he's not going to make them wait for me. Riku's here, awesome. AWESOME! Well and Axel I suppose, he's cool but Riku rules.

I'm not obsessed. Honest.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Okay, here's my newest story which I'm going to continue along with 'Two Halves make a whole' which is my other KH fic. Hopefully I will be able to update quite frequently, but lately I've been having school tests so don't hold too much hope for daily updates. I should update more than once a week though. I failed my French test though, soooo I really should be revising for that ;;;; Oops.

AKUROKU + RikuSora Teh Smex. Hehe. Let's not forget Zemyx though, they're sooo sweet together. Squee!! I loveth Zexion and Demyx.

Silva.

Oh please Review, if you do…I'll…I'll give you chocolate and a T-shirt with either 'AkuRoku Teh Smex' or 'RikuXSora Teh Smex' or both if you're like me. I'll also throw in a Zemyx Keychain for those who like that pairing. XD

P.S. Anyone who guesses correctly what song the title is from get's a chocolate cookie. Lol, I bet I'll have no cookies left, its so simple to get.


	2. They Crash around me

'You left me all alone'

By Silva-Trees

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Roxas or Axel or any of the KH Characters. If I did, I'd scrap the stupid bit where Roxas walks away from Axel saying 'Nobody would miss me' and have Axel swing him round and yell what he says at him. Then **'MWAH!'** biiiig kiss. But that's just me ;;;; Hehe.

**Summary:** Axel and Roxas were best friends before Roxas was taken at 14, now two years later he returns and is a completely different person. Can only Axel draw out the person he used to be? His twin brother Sora has also changed, but he's found Riku and it's for the better. Yaoi. Zemyx, AkuRoku and SoraXRiku. May be more pairings later.

I'm not quite sure how I will write this, occasionally in POVs or maybe just third person. If there is a POV I will state whose it is before typing any further. This is a **Yaoi/Shonen-ai** fic, if you don't like that kind of thing (e.g. **BoyXBoy**) then I'd advise you **not** to read.

The characters might be **OOC** if so, I'm sorry but it's just how I write. Also this is an **AU (Alternate Universe) **fic, which means it, will differ completely from the came. Nothing in common really, except for the characters being from the game.

I was writing my other Kingdom Hearts fic, when I realised I hadn't written anything AkuRoku yet, which is amazing as that's the couple I fell in love with before I even played any of the games. So here it is my AkuRoku fic. It does have other pairings in it, but is based mainly around Axel and Roxas. I also **had** to throw in Zexion and Demyx as I am gradually coming to love them too.

* * *

**Axel's POV:**

'SHUT UP! And stop calling me Roxy!'

I manage to stifle a chuckle, some things never change. Riku is also smiling although he's not bothering to mask it, behind his hand. Belle stands in the doorway smiling at both of us, she insisted we call her Belle as 'Roxas or Sora's Mom' sounds lame and 'Mrs Harada' makes her feel old. Hey don't look at me, I Dunno what she means….She IS old after all. Oh. Now she's glaring at me, I hope she can't read thoughts else I'm dead.

ARGH!! What if she's realised how I feel about Roxas?! Wait…How _do_ I feel about Roxy? I guess I've never really thought about it in a lot of detail, although I know that I care about him a lot and the years when he wasn't here were hell. Is that love? Is that what I'm experiencing? I guess I'll just have to wait and find out.

Roxas walks through the door, anxiously pulling down the sleeves on him hoodie which already cover his hands. Its just one of the many quirks he has which I notice about him. Like when he's also nervous he bites his lip and ruffles his hair up a lot. Just one of those few things that make Roxas, **Roxas** you know.

'Uh…Hi guys. Long time no see.' 'Rox how are you? It feels like it's been an age.' 'Oh…I'm okay. Well better now.' What does he mean by that, and why can't I say anything. So far it's just a one sided conversation by Riku and Roxas.

I better say something quick, before it seems like I'm unhappy about being here. Uh...What to say?!

'MONKEY BUTTERSCOTCH!!'

Shit!! Why when I want to say something cool, do spazzy words like that come out? Its official my brain hates me. Even worse all the occupants in this room are staring at me like I've gone insane. I better cover that up.

'I just like it…' Lame Axel, incredibly LAME. 'You like **_monkey_** butterscotch?' Riku raises an eyebrow, lips twitching slightly under the pressure of not laughing out loud. I glare at him and look a\way, eyes falling on Roxas I see him looking out the window, tugging at his sleeves every once in a while.

Its times like these that I miss my old best friend so much, he was never like this before. Before he would've been laughing at me the loudest and it would end up with us teasing each other and starting a food fight or outrageous dares. Now…Well now it feels like I never knew him and that he no longer even wants to be my friend.

What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong?

* * *

**Roxas' POV:**

Seems Axel hasn't changed. I still can't stop myself from looking away and masking my emotions when I feel something. Like now I'm having trouble trying not to laugh. When you live a life like I have…Well you learn to hide your emotions and put on a mask of indifference, then they lose interest in you and leave you alone. Better alone than in the company of one of _them_.

Looking back and Riku and Axel I meet with Riku's eyes and he smiles encouragingly while teasing Axel and the same time. He understands…I don't know how but he just does. Axel…I see the pain in his eyes, and for some reason it brings tears to my eyes, but we're not supposed to cry. The male population I mean, we're meant to be strong and protect people, then why is it that I can't?

I can't stop the tears, maybe it's because of the years when I _couldn't_ cry, because I wouldn't let myself and so I am reaping what I sowed all the years before. At night I'll go to sleep…well attempt to and suddenly feel tears dripping from my eyes, soaking into my pillow. There's never any noise just the tears.

'Could you excuse me a second.' I try not to sound rude, nor run from the room as I feel my eyes begin to fill up and my vision blur. Mom knows I cry, I think. Sora may know but Axel doesn't. That's something I want to keep that way, if he saw me cry…Well I don't know what would happen. Maybe he would be disgusted and never want to be my friend again.

I don't think I could live with that.

Walking quickly to the downstairs bathroom, I hurry inside and lock the door, I can still remember the first time I didn't lock it and Axel walked in on me. It _would_ be the time I decided to test out my mom's new makeup, hey I was six! Give me a break, okay maybe that's a little odd for a perfectly normal six year old to do but whatever. He wouldn't shut about it for **_years_** after.

Staring in the mirror, I look a mess. Urgh. My hair's horrible dishwater blonde and my eyes are like murky swimming pools that kids decided to swim in but are too young to be potty trained. Aren't I just a stunner? Can you hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice?

Here we go, this waterworks have begun. I stand silently, just watching the tears slide down my face. Yet…This time I actually feel the pain and sorrow that is causing these tears, Axel's face pops into my mind and the tears run faster. The very thought of him hating me, hurts so much. I guess I really am screwed up.

Sliding down the wall, I hunch into a tight ball, and try to muffle the noises that accompany my tears. Again another first for me, usually its just silent liquid crystals dripping down my pallid cheeks. I just hope no one can hear me…Although judging by my luck, I bet they can.

After a moment of thinking calm thoughts of blankness, which is gradually drawn and coloured on with the paint of my imagination; I am finally prepared to rejoin the guests that are waiting anxiously for me.

Glancing in the mirror once more, my eyes don't look too red, just a little pink round the edges. Makes me think of the albino guinea pig Sora used to have, its eyes were a pale pretty pink round the edges. I remember I used to be so jealous that Sora got the cute guinea pig and I got left with the mottled shades of brown one, which resembled a pheasant more than a guinea pig.

Smiling slightly, I unlock the door and walk quietly back into the room, looks like Sora's finally ready. I guess we can go then, let's just hope no one notices that I've been crying, although Sora will probably know, but Axel and Riku…Hopefully they won't.

'Rox, you ready to go?' Looks like Axel has finally regained the ability of speech. He looks concerned, damn, did I ever cry in front of him when we were younger? Oh well, if I did its too late now. 'Yeah, where we going?'

Silence.

Okay…That's kinda creepy, why aren't they saying anything. They're just exchanging glances and shuffling nervously. Well, Axel is. I guess that means I'm not going to like where we are going. Oh great. This should be fun. Just as long as it's not- -

'It's the once in a lifetime, teenage experience!!! You'll love it Roxy!' Oh brilliant, the stupid dumb place that recently opened which Sora wanted to go to so bad that he memorized their saying on the TV advert. 'Fun…Don't call me Roxy.'

'Oh we're also meeting Zexion and Demyx there too, Demyx has wanted to go for ages and well…Zexion can't really say no to him.' Sora chuckled, oh yes you laugh. You'll be having a ball while I'm bloody freaking out from all the psychopaths who might be there. I'll just stick close to Axel…Only because his hair is like a warning beacon. That's all, not because he's tall and strong and protective. Not at all.

'Fun, I haven't seen them in a while.' Yeah like three days. Boy, Sora likes keeping in contact with everyone thoroughly. I guess that's good though as I'm pretty anti-social, _somebody_ needs to be outgoing in our family. 'Well…Shouldn't we get going then?'

'Oh yeah!' 'Smart Idea Rox!' 'That would work.' They're a bunch of morons all of them. Well that's a bit harsh actually. We all shuffle for the door, grabbing our jackets on the way out. I wonder whose car we'll be taking.'

Walking out the front door it seems Riku has a new car, guess it'll be his, that old banger has finally bit the dust. Perhaps I should inform him of that. Should be fun. Without thinking I blurt out. 'Finally! It's about time that old scrap heap you called a car bit the dust.' Wait…Did I just say that? Oh shit, now what do I say?! Maybe I insulted him.

They're just staring at me…I knew I should've kept my big mouth shut. Stupid Roxas! Stupid! I hang my head and mumble a quiet, 'Sorry, I didn't mean that.'

'NO!!! Don't apologise Roxas, I was just surprised, you sounded so like your old self it caught me by surprise. There's no need to apologise.' Does he really mean that? Glancing at Sora and Axel I see them both smiling at me, well Sora's smiling Axel's positively beaming at me. It's like a 1000 watt bulb.

* * *

**Axel's POV:**

I can't believe it, he sounded so much like how he used to be, and it was like all those years hadn't passed. Maybe there is hope. He doesn't seem to have much confidence though; it's almost as if he's afraid to experience feelings…Like something terrible will happen if he does. Its times like these that I really wonder what happened to him.

My mind can't help but expect the worst. Even as I think this I can feel that smile sliding off my features. He's experienced something that I can't even begin to imagine, mainly because he won't tell me but even if he does I doubt I could ever truly understand what he is going through.

Oh well, off to this teenage experience crap. I guess I have no choice since Sora wants to go and what Sora wants goes, according to Riku anyway. I'll just have to make the best of it, atleast I'm spending time with Roxas. What more could anyone ask for?

* * *

**Riku's POV:**

I guess Rox is finally letting go, well part of him is. He wouldn't admit it if you asked him, but that little part of him deep inside, remembers what it feels like to be safe and a normal teenager. I can understand how he feels though, even if I myself have not experienced it. I'm just glad that he's trying…Or that little part of him is growing and trying to break free.

It'll be good for him, and Sora. I'll just have to wait till then, but everything returning to how it was, isn't as far away as it used to seem. Maybe there is hope. We just have to keep trying.

'Right, my car it is, and Roxas you better not diss this baby! Else she'll bite you.' Did he just scoff at my car?!! Oooh I don't care how mentally scarred he is, he better apologise soon else Nadia going to kick his ass.

Besides this baby is beautiful, not even Axel could find a fault with her. 'Riku if this car doesn't stall once then I'll apologise, but until I see it she's still a bundle of junk to me.' OH THAT'S IT!!! Roxas you're going down! Right Riku play it smooth…

'Yeah you wish, you're just jealous that I actually _have_ a car, and you don't.' Ha! Let's see you retort to that pretty boy! 'I don't need a car when I have people offering to drive me around. Oh? Does no one offer to give you a ride Riku? Guess you just don't have my charm.'

He did **_not _**just say that! I have charm! I do!!! Right? Just because I can't do the huge, kawaii eyes like he can, doesn't mean that I'm not oozing charm out of every pore. Haha! I still got it. Sora and Axel are watching our banter with open mouths, come to think of it. Isn't this the most that Roxas has said in like…two months?

Wow! I brought him out of his shell! I ROCK!

* * *

**Sora's POV:**

HOLY HELL! Riku's good, that's the most I've heard Roxas say for ages. Riku brought all that out just by introducing Roxy to his car? Sheesh, I spent many a month trying to engross Roxas in simple talk, and Riku does it in like 5 minutes without even meaning to!

He _is _good. Well it seems that maybe Riku should be Roxas' twin rather than I. Actually watching him dance his 'victory dance' is kinda disturbing; maybe Roxas would be even worse with Riku as his brother. Is that even possible?

I…Guess it is, since Riku just began chirping aloud, 'I rock! I rock, who rocks? RIKU!' Its times like this that I wonder, _why_ is this maniac my friend? I mean even I'm not this bad! Well…not unless you give me a combination of mint imperials and candy floss then it's Doomsday for all. Heh heh, Riku even hid in the closet when I went sugar high.

I guess _that's_ why we're best friends. Even though…I want to be more. Oh crap. I did _not_ just say that! Thank god that I didn't speak that out loud.

'Say what out loud Sora?' What is Roxas on about? OH NO!!! Did I actually say it out loud?!! Shit shit shit!

'Uh…Dude? We can still hear you, you know, and stop making Roxas sound like a nutcase, _you're_ the loony who's speaking without realising it.' Oops. 'Sorry Axel, I didn't realise I was speaking my thoughts…Ummm How much did I say?' There, that's was smooth without revealing too much.

Oh. Why's Axel grinning evilly? 'Well Sora…That depends on how much _you_ think you revealed, I'll say it was _very_ interesting to hear.' He raised his eyebrow suggestively. OH GOD! What _did_ I say?! 'I…Uh...I mean I well...It's…complicated.' Why is it always me? Nobody else loses their cool or babbles stupidly their private thoughts.

'Cool it Sor, Axel's just messing with you. You never really said anything other than, the being glad that you didn't say whatever you were thinking out loud.' 'Thanks Rox'

I feel that, glaring at Axel is pretty much justified. I see Roxas smiling slightly up at Axel who's giving him a hurt, injured look. Just between you and me, brain, I think Roxas doesn't mind Axel hovering around him worriedly that much. Nor Axel minding Roxas ruining his fun, now if it had been _me_ or _Riku_ we'd be getting glares and pranks for weeks.

I guess that's just his bond with Roxy.

If you ask me, they both care for each other way more than just friends, but they don't seem to realise it yet. Well Roxas doesn't, if Axel does he's doing a pretty damn good job of keeping his feelings reigned in.

I wish Riku felt like that about me…But to him, I'm just a friend. That's all I'll ever be.

A friend.

* * *

**Zexion's POV:**

'YAY!!!! The ONCE IN A LIFETIME TEENAGE EXPERIENCE!!!!! We're going Zexy!!! We're actually going!!! I can't wait!!!'

Oh God. **Shut up** Demyx! It's too freaking early for his hyperness. Its time like this that I ask myself, why? Why do I like Dems? Was my brain or heart like high when it decided that it cared about him?

All I know is suddenly my feelings changed from hating his guts, to wanting to be around him all the time. Even freaking early hours of the morning, because if it makes him smile it's worth it. That's all I want; to see Demyx smile.

'**_Yes_**…Demyx we **_are_ **going to whatever the hell you said the crap we're going to is. I don't want to go, but **_we're going_**.' Maybe I shouldn't have said that, he looking all guilty now. Oops. 'Dem you know I'm kidding right?' Well not really, but he doesn't need to know that.

'Yeah! I _knew_ that…I knew that…' He didn't know that. The edges of my mouth twitch into a small smile, but Dem knows that I found it funny. Most people can't tell but he's perceptive on that front. Funny really, he's like ultra dense about everything else, but when it comes to my feelings he's highly aware.

'So…I hear Roxas is meant to be there today, you'd think he'd be fed up with Sora's hyperness already…Funny huh?' Oh Demyx it's pretty funny that you cease to realise that _you_ are much more hyper than Sora ever is…By that I mean you on a low setting as well.

'I guess he is, we should feel honoured Roxas makes a rare appearance. I swear Sora's trying to kill his anti-social tendencies a day before school starts up.' Infact thinking about it, Sora probably is. Roxas needs to socialise more with the outside world if he wishes to survive at high school.

It's hell.

Made even worse so that I have to watch girl's swooning around **_my_** Demyx. Of course there's the slight hitch that he doesn't yet realise that he belongs to me. I should probably fill him in soon…Oh well, plenty time for that later.

He thinks we're just best friends. Pfft. Yeah…_friends_. That's _all_ I want to be. Not. You'd think the whole slipping on the floor at New Year and _accidentally_ kissing him might shed some light into our relationship. Of course for Dem this is_ **far**_toosubtle.

He just apologised (!!!) and ran into the living room with the popcorn because **Princess Bride** was about to start. It was _my_ fault not his anyway. I mean come on! How many straight guys do you know watch Princess Bride eagerly with unshed tears in their eyes at the ending when Buttercup is saved?!

_Who_ do you think has to sit beside Demyx and watch it **every freaking time** he wants to see it? Yes. Me. Don't get me wrong, I liked the actual film…the first **_hundred_** times. I swear last year it was Dem's favourite film of all time.

You don't want to know what was his favourite film before that…Oh screw it, I'll tell you. It was The Little Mermaid. **Yes**. The **_freaking_** Little Mermaid. I can't quite remember why he liked it so much, other than it was all under the water. Demy is obsessed with Water.

Oh lucky me. I'm just waiting for his next torture plan – I mean _phase_ – that he thinks up. I once tried to wrestle away all his Disney films. Big Mistake. I spent the night apologising to the cover pictures of Aurora, Belle and Ariel. Yes…I tried taking The Little Mermaid away.

Let me tell you, those things may be light but they're _sharp_. Demyx kept swinging them around in frustration while trying to explain to me why they were quite so important. To his defence, he only jabbed me in the eye **_twice_**.

'WE'RE HERE!!! YAY!! Zexy look! Where's SoraRikuAxelRoxas?! I can't see them…They are coming right?' Well let's view my options. On one hand I'm alone with Demyx, on the other he's hyper and will most like me drag me around all the exhibits before the other arrive and then do it once more when they finally get here. Well it could be much wor- OH GOD. They have a tank with dolphins.

Shit.

'Demyx why don't we go this way…The Lions look awfully hungry and…err…pretty?' 'Zexy you wanna see the Lions? OKAY! Wait…Are those dolphins...' His eyes swell to insane proportions, I wince waiting for the volcano to erupt.

'-deep breath- OHMYGAWD!!!! Zexy do you see the Dolphins, I'm going to call them Ariel and Sebastian. Can we go swimming with them?!! Or feed them or…or…DOLPHINS!!! Do you see them Zexy?'

I knew it. Sora you're _dead_ when you get here. I don't care how Riku feels about that. Infact you're worse than dead. I'm going to lock you in a room with Demyx, his sitar and a TV with Disney films…Actually considering its Sora the sick bastard would probably enjoy that. Damn. Now I must think up an alternative punishment for even mentioning this stupid place in a mile radius of Demyx.

He's jumping up and down and pointing at the dolphins. Why? Why do you hate me so Karma? There's only one thing I can say to him. I'm sacrificing myself…well actually that poor person in the Little Mermaid costume. 'Look Demyx! Isn't that Ariel for real?!'

Cue the 360 degree spin as Demyx registers what I just yelled at him. God. I pity that poor sod, but it's either me or them and sorry but I choose life. Okay so maybe one small _tiny_ evil giggle escaped from my mouth, but I couldn't help it. When you see Demyx running and leaping onto a tiny 4ft 10 midget. It is pretty hilarious.

You know this place actually might not be **_that_** bad.

* * *

**Roxas' POV:**

God. Who decided to let Axel sit up front? Well I suppose nobody really got a chance to tell him no, he just threw Sora bodily out of the way and clutched at the radio possessively. As long as he doesn't play his crappy music I'm okay with it.

I think.

He's reaching for the radio player. Oh shit. We're doomed now, might as well just die now rather than strangled by Demyx later as he attempts to hug without physical contact. A thing that is impossible to do yet doesn't stop him from trying. I wonder what song we'll have first. I'm guessing one I will hate.

Axel presses the play button after discreetly inserting a disk.

**'If your ass is a chinese restaurant Ill have the poo-poo platter'**

Oh God now…He _had_ to choose this one didn't he?! Just _had_ to. Kill me now, maybe I can smother myself in this hoodie.

'**My friend jerry vandergrift kissed me in home Ec. Class  
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass  
I said guys Im like you I like monster trucks too  
Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?  
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks  
Chicks dig guys that are  
Queer guys that don't dig  
Chicks that don't dig guys like me  
See Im not queer Im too ugly  
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be  
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo phony  
Maybe its a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity  
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry  
Scoring with a super model would be easy  
Cause super model means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with super dumb'**

It's not working! Axel you have no idea how much I hate your music taste right now. Yes you sing along with the god-damn awful lyrics as this is the last singing you'll ever do by the time I'm finished with you.

'**Ya see Id be a good listener so shed treat me like a sister and soon Id become  
That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair  
No it wouldn't be a week before Im in her underwear  
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks  
Chicks dig guys that are  
Queer guys that don't dig  
Chicks that don't dig guys like me  
See Im not queer Im too ugly  
Doesn't matter what Im packin in my denim its what's in my genes  
The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by jimmy dean  
See Im not to keen on the smell of vaseline  
No Im not princess di and I don't wanna be a queen  
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks.' **

Silence. I peek my head out of my hoodie and see Riku glaring at Axel with his finger on the eject button. 'Axel change the music **now**. Else get in the back.' Riku I **love** you! Well I don't actually mean that, besides I'm pretty sure he's taken by Sora. Even if he doesn't know it yet.

Hmmm…It looked like Axel was actually considering climbing into the back with us. 'Okay I'll change it…I guess 'Discovery Channel' by Bloodhound Gang is also a no-no?' 'YES.' 'Okay okay I get it, no more Bloodhound Gang. Sheesh, chill it wasn't that bad. Besides…' Here is where he grins evilly, and glances around the car once before finishing his sentence. 'I'm pretty sure none of us are straight.'

Yes yes Axel say what you want I'm just glad the music's of- wait what?! 'What?!! I mean…err…I don't like guys. I like Naminé!' Well not actually anymore, but neither am I admitting to being gay. Wait…Is Axel including himself? I always had my suspicions about him…

'Oh come off it Roxas, you got over Naminé ages ago. Besides she's going out with Xaldin…Why, I have no idea. What does she see in him?' Axel does have a point. I'll just settle into dignified silence.

'Awww quit sulking Roxy. You know I'm just teasin' ya.' **Eye twitch.** 'I was not sulking, it's called dignified silence. Now I'm going to ignore you.' He faces back forwards again and ponders awhile before selecting another disk from his CD collection.

'**Oh-o-o-oa   
Oh-o-o-o**

**Oh-o-o-oa  
Oh-o-o-o'**

Well this is marginally better, atleast this doesn't make my eardrums bleed. Although it _is_ increasingly annoying. I swear he and Demyx have too close a taste in music. It's creepy. I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere out there Zexion is killing himself with a Spork, as he tries to ignore the terrible music that he is being subjected to.

'**Sweet little bumble bee I know what you want from me  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la la  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la la  
Sweet little bumble bee More than just a fantasy  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da  
Dup-i-dup-i-do la da'**

Just think Roxas, think of the open air and free spaces you can run to away from Axel, just another hour in the car with this lunatic who is your best friend. Just one more hour…One…Only One. **Eye Twitch**. God I can't take it anymore.

The ground looks very inviting right now, now if I can just wind down this window and just out before anyone notices. Slowly slowly…**creeeeak**. Shit. 'Uh…Riku? Axel? I think Roxas is trying to kill himself. OH MY GOD!!! Roxas Nooooo!!!!'

Damn Sora and his quick reflexes. If it wasn't for him I'd be a squished blob underneath someone's tyre right now. He had to grab my clothes and drag me inside, right at the climatic moment.

'Glare at me all you want, but do you realise how dead I would've been if I had to go home and tell mom that you attempted to leap out of a car window because of Axel's terrible taste in music?' Hmmm…True. 'HEY! My music isn't that bad!' Yes Axel. Yes it really is.

Axel is now facing us and watching me hawkeyed. Guess no more suicidal attempts today. Now he appears to be thinking. 'Hey Rox…How could you fit through that tiny crack? I mean unless you've lost a hell of a lot of weight, and those clothes you wear are _really_ baggy.'

'Well yeah Axel, Roxas' always been really thin and well…You don't eat much do you Rox?' Shut up Sora! If you tell him that he'll go around trying to stuff food in my mouth every chance he gets. Besides the crack isn't _that_ small, granted Sora definitely couldn't fit through but then I'm younger than he is. Well…by like six minutes.

'Yes, I wear baggy clothes because I _like_ baggy clothes and they hide what I really look like.' Damn. I didn't mean to say that last bit. 'I mean they're comfortable.' Maybe with them being the idiots they are, they'll miss that little slip up. Well Riku won't but maybe he'll be quiet because he's nice like that.

Axel is frowning at me, and glances at my clothes once more before turning around once more. 'How about Silence for a while? How does that sound?' Good. Very good infact. Silence is good.

A stifle a yawn and face the window, my eyes feel so heavy. Although I guess that's understandable considering that I haven't slept more than three hours a night for about three months and less before that. It's amazing I'm still alive.

Pity. I wish I was dead.

* * *

**Axel's POV:**

Glancing behind, I can see that Roxas has fallen asleep. 'Okay Sora, tell me honestly do you think he's okay?' He raises an eyebrow and snorts without humour. 'Of course not, he barely sleeps, barely eats and says little. Does that seem normal to you?' I guess not…But how was I meant to know?! If no one tells me anything, how am I meant to guess the truth?

Sora glances over at his brother worriedly. 'Although he has been worse lately, it could be the nervousness of going back to school, but I'm not buying that. It's something deeper, some secret that he's hiding and doesn't want any of us to know about. I can only guess what, and why he won't tell us.'

A secret? I guessed that much, it's most likely what happened to him while he was gone. No one has managed to discover what it was, Roxas says little about it, and when you press him for information he clams up like a clam.

'Although he let mom go out alone yesterday for a morning jog. Usually if he's awake when she leaves, which is pretty much all the time, he'll insist on going with her. He doesn't want her to be alone and vulnerable. That's understandable, I guess. If you glance at him you would never guess that he was anything other than a normal teenager, although it's his dreams that worry me the most…'

This is the only time I've ever seen Sora look so serious. I almost dread what he's going to say next. Just thinking about what could've happened is enough to send shivers down my spine and make me feel all superstitious.

'He doesn't know, but one of the rare times he was asleep and I was awake, I was on my way to the bathroom and I heard Roxas murmuring in his sleep. Being in the inquisitive individual that I am, I was curious and moved closer to his room. I could only make out a few words but they were enough to terrify me. But the worst thing…The thing that terrified me the most, was his voice. It sounded so broken and pitiful. I could hear him crying in his sleep. Roxas. My brother who never cried, since he was five he's never shed a tear. To hear him whimpering like that and begging whoever was in his dream not to hurt him, that caused my heart to wrench. I've never even told mom. She doesn't have to know.'

Roxas…What happened to you? And why won't you let anyone in, why can't you see that if it's possible for a person to be hurt by another then it's possible for that person to be healed by another.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I'm so sorry for not posting/writing this sooner, but I've been so busy with all that's happened these past few weeks. Infact I _still_ have a chemistry test to sit tomorrow and I should really be revising for it. Shit. I hope I don't fail. Haha!! I just realised I made Roxas sound so emo in this!! Oops...Uh sorry if some of you guys take offence. I didn't mean any. XD Lolza.

I want to thank **Forgottenmelodies** personally because she's the one who sent a note which made me get a move on, as I had been sitting around all depressed and just being downright a moody teenager. Which I am most of the time lolza XD. Although all my wonderful reviewers are awesome and I lovity love you!!! Showers with Virtual AkuRoku, Zemyx, RikuXSora goodies

Urgh!! School's terrible, I went through all my classes today and all I could think about was ideas and plots for stories, this one and others. Also annoying songs kept going through my head, infact I couldn't sleep last night because I had four flamin' songs going round and round my head. If anyone cares to know, they were 'Scotty doesn't know', 'Discovery Channel (as mentioned in this chappie XD)', 'I Wish I were queer (also mentioned LOL :P) and 'Gay boyfriends'.

I ask you, why the hell does my brain decide to focus on these songs at 1a.m in the morning?! Not too mention that in physics I had 'Charliiiiee, Chaaarliiie. Wake up Charlieee, we've found a map to Candy mountain Charlieee. Caaandy Mountain Charlieee.' Going round and round when I had an assessment to finish XD.

It just goes to show, my brain hates me, it truly hates me.

Please all who enjoy this review, it brightens up my day and I swear tomorrow its going to be crap. dies in anticipation and thanks to all who **_do_** review. I wuv all of you!!

Silva has Axel muses knawing on her brain, not to mention little Roxas muses that have small pitchforks of ideas that stabbity stab my brain with ideas. OOOH!! I'll use that in my next chapter, the stabbity stab pitchfork of ideas. XD

Oh P.s I'll try to update my other Kingdom Hearts story soon, if it's not within a week please somebody send a note yelling for me to get off my ass and begin writing again XD.

P.P.s I just realised what a spaz I am, last chapter I asked for you to guess the name of the chapter, but you can't see it if there aren't more than one chappie up. Oops sorry lol, anyone guess now? Hopefully you can see the names of the chapters in the little periwinkle box (that _is_ Zexion's hair colour) Oooh and another reason for Zemyx to be is the whole Zexion - 6 Demyx - 9 Put them together and whatcha got? 69!!! Hee haw!! Lolza I know everyone's already noticed this but...But!! It's sooo true. Hehe am off to try and regain my brain which a lost due to sleep deprivation. Ciao all!

Silva over and out.

GAH!!! P.P.P.s Mucho thanks for **shrouded-Obsession** as they kindly pointed out that I made a minor typo that made a huuuuge difference!! Eh heh…Atleast now we don't have Naminé with that psychopath kidnapper (just kidding…I don't mind Xiggy that much…), he has been replaced with ooogly Xaldin. (Come on you have to admit he's ooogly XD)


	3. Her conscience calls

'You left me all alone' 

By Silva-Trees

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Roxas or Axel or any of the KH Characters. If I did, I'd scrap the stupid bit where Roxas walks away from Axel saying 'Nobody would miss me' and have Axel swing him round and yell what he says at him. Then **'MWAH!'** biiiig kiss. But that's just me ;;;; Hehe.

**Summary:** Axel and Roxas were best friends before Roxas was taken at 14, now two years later he returns and is a completely different person. Can only Axel draw out the person he used to be? His twin brother Sora has also changed, but he's found Riku and it's for the better. Yaoi. Zemyx, AkuRoku and SoraXRiku. May be more pairings later.

I'm not quite sure how I will write this, occasionally in POVs or maybe just third person. If there is a POV I will state whose it is before typing any further. This is a **Yaoi/Shonen-ai** fic, if you don't like that kind of thing (e.g. **BoyXBoy**) then I'd advise you **not** to read.

The characters might be **OOC** if so, I'm sorry but it's just how I write. Also this is an **AU (Alternate Universe) **fic, which means it will differ completely from the game. Nothing in common really, except for the characters being from the game.

I was writing my other Kingdom Hearts fic, when I realised I hadn't written anything AkuRoku yet, which is amazing as that's the couple I fell in love with before I even played any of the games. So here is my AkuRoku fic. It does have other pairings in it, but it's based mainly around Axel and Roxas. I also **had** to throw in Zexion and Demyx as I am gradually coming to love them too.

This chapter is mainly third person in it, but also has POV's too, so basically I'll show a break when it's different POV's/third person. It starts off in third person but focuses mainly around Axel :)

_ Dark days followed after the disappearance of Roxas. _

_ Cinnamon spikes, crushed by the arms holding it down, shook with tears and sobs. 'It's all my fault. All my fault.' Dejected sky blue eyes stare down at the pebbled ground, speckled with chewing gum and bird crap. _

_ 'If I hadn't been sick, I should've been there. Why…Why did I stay off?! It's all my fault. I hate myself.' Hands hammered at his head in anguish. Sora was beating himself up over the loss of his twin. _

_ He failed to notice the tall, long haired shadow that approached his small quivering form. 'Sora? What are you doing?' Crouching down, the taller person tried to comfort the elder twin, yet was also suffering with the loss of Roxas. _

_ 'Why? Why him? Why take Roxas?!' Sora raised his clouded eyes, staring into the jaded eyes that stared back. 'Why Axel?' Axel's mouth quivered as he tried to think of comforting words to say. 'I don't know Sora. I wish I did. But…I don't.' _

_ Taking a deep breath, he tried to conceal the mounting emotions that threatened to break. He had to be strong. He couldn't break down. If he did, the tears would never stop. His usual vivacious spikes hung limply in front of his eyes, eyes which lacked a soul. That had died when he had discovered Roxas was gone. _

_ 'Come on Sora, we have to get you inside. You'll freeze otherwise, or catch a chill from the rain.' His arms ghosted around Sora's shoulders, unsure of what to do. 'You have to get in the warm; you can't do much good ill.' As soon as he spoke the words, he knew they were the wrong things to say to a distraught Sora. _

_ 'I can't do much good anyway, can I, Axel?! What can I do?! My twin is missing and it's all my fault!' 'No Sora it's no-''YES Axel! Yes it IS my fault, because if I had been there today, then he never would've been taken. I should've been there. I could've, I could've-' Tears rolled down Sora's face as he spun around and ran away. _

_ Axel didn't understand. He couldn't know what Sora was going through. That was what Sora thought, but in reality Axel _did_ understand. He understood how Sora was feeling more than anyone else possibly could. _

_ He stood there watching Sora run away, eyes downcast. 'It seems like _I_ am the one that's no use to anyone. I can't even comfort a friend.' Axel turned and walked away, unsure of what would happen from then on. _

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _

Green eyes snap open, Axel rubs his head slowly, he hadn't had that dream in quite a while. I suppose mainly because it was in the past. Axel didn't tend to like to dwell in the past, well except where Roxas was concerned.

There he only _had_ the past.

Glancing around him, he noticed that Riku was awake with the radio on quietly, his head moving along with the beat. Swiveling around, it appeared that now both Roxas and Sora were asleep. Sora's head was on Roxas's shoulder and one of Roxas's hands was gripping tightly at Sora's top.

Axel smiled slightly. Well, he couldn't help it, it was an adorable scene! Sighing slightly, he faced back towards the windshield. "Just woken up, huh?" Riku asked quietly, voice lowered as not to wake the twins. "Yeah. Hey, we nearly there? Sorry about leaving you driving alone." He sighed and tapped his foot along with the music.

"Nah, it's cool. Was quieter and more relaxed without your choice of music blaring from the radio." Riku smirked at him slightly. "They both asleep?" He asked still smiling. "Yeah, curled up around each other. Kinda cute." Axel said looking back at them with a smile on his face.

Riku sighed, "I just don't know. Sometimes I want to tell Sora that I really care about him, but on the other hand, I'm just happy being with him and I don't want to spoil that for anything. No matter what my feelings are. He means too much to me to be torn out of my life by something so foolish."

"Still no luck on discovering his feelings then?" Axel questioned all attention on Riku. "No, he's like an extremely complex rubix cube. Just when I think I've got him all figured out, there's a new layer that's screwed up with the wrong colors. It's almost like he _enjoys_ keeping me guessing."

He couldn't help but smile at Riku's analogy. "You know, I think he really doesn't have a clue. It's like he's just this one big ball of denseness. In the end, if you want to take it further, one of you is going to have to make a move, and I kinda doubt that it'll be Sora. But then again, it's not for me to say. I mean, look how I'm going with Roxas. He barely even _talks_ to me. He speaks more with you, and I'm supposed to be his best friend…Well I _was_."

A bright, sparkly sign signaled the turning off point for the 'Ultimate Teenage Experience'. Axel stared at it wondering how teenagers and glitter can possibly relate. "Oh God…What are we getting into?" Riku grinned, "Well you never know till you experience it. But…" He grin turned demonic, if it was even possible. "If it makes you feel better, Zexion has been stuck with Demyx for an hour now. I just happened to _forget_ to tell him that we'd be there an hour later than them. My bad."

Axel laughed out loud. "Dude, you're taking full responsibility for that. I had nothing to do with it. Man you're _screwed_!"

"Who's screwed?" A sleepy Sora ruffled his mussed up spikes. "Oh, just your boyfriend." Axel waggled his eyebrows at Riku, who was glaring at him and mouthing 'You. are. so. Dead.' at him, out of Sora's vision. "Oh, Riku? Why? What'd he do?" Then Axel's words sunk in.

"BOYFRIEND?!! Riku's not my boyfriend! Axel...Wha?! I mean…Geh?! Eurgh! I'm sooo confused. My head hurts." Sora clutched at his head, "I think my brain's overheating." He failed to notice Riku dismayed expression at his outburst.

"Don't worry Sora; I just forgot to tell Zexion we'd be an hour later than him." Riku's words were devoid of emotion. Sora just didn't seem to notice, or he chose not to notice. "Oh, well then yeah, Riku, you're screwed." Sora laughed. Maybe he really was that dense…

'Roxas has been really quiet throughout this; surely he's not still asleep? He's the lightest sleeper here.' Axel thought philosophically. Well, philosophically for him anyway. Sure enough, as he looked back towards his friend, there he was. Awake and watching everyone silently.

"Goooood morning, ROXIE!!! Did you have a good nap?" Axel yelled, starling everyone around him and making them jump a mile high. A second later they all broke into choruses of complaint. "Axel you moron! Do you want me to crash this car?!" "I think you just killed my eardrums man…Owwie." And finally, "Well, it was good until a red haired baboon decided to bless me with a headache."

"Baboon? But Roxy, this is an adventure park thing not a zoo. Don't be silly! There are no baboons here. Let alone red hai- Oh…You meant me. Sorry." He smiled sheepishly and crept back round to facing the front again, trying to ignore the death glares he was receiving from all parties in the car.

Riku parked the car and everyone leapt out, eager to be out of the cramped space that was known as Nadia. After a pat from Riku they were off, to explore and hopefully enjoy the Teenage Experience.

Elsewhere

A disgruntled teen had somehow found himself dragged into the gargantuan tank with his best friend. Not to mention there were dolphins. Zexion was not as amused as you might've guessed. Being clad into a curve-hugging wetsuit and being doused in many gallons of water every time a dolphin flicked its tail at him was not Zexion's idea of fun at all.

Not even close.

After half an hour had passed, Zexion gave into Demyx's pleas that they swim in the tank for a couple of minutes. "It won't be very long Zexy." He had said. They had been swimming for so long that Zexion's skin had begun to wrinkle and his legs felt heavy.

"Demyx my legs are dying, can we get out?" It took him a few attempts to convey that across to Demyx because his mouth kept filling up with water. Demyx nodded, slightly dismayed. Zexion sighed in relief; he would soon be back on dry land.

The next thing he knew, he was barreled under the water by a passing Dolphin's tail. '_Fucking Dolphin. I knew you hated me, more so because I'm taking Dem away from you and your tank. Well…SCREW YOU._' He knew straight away his legs wouldn't be able to bring him back up to the surface. Folding his arms in submission, all he contemplated was '_I knew life was out to get me, so why bother fighting it?_'

Strong arms came out of nowhere and fastened tight around his waist. '_Demyx.'_ Maybe life wasn't out to get him after all, glancing down he spotted a snake tattoo, as the hand dipped slightly lower. '_When did Dem get a tattoo? He hasn't got one…But that means…FUCK! Random stranger! Eeew!!_'

He began to writhe and struggle with his new found energy. The stranger just drew him closer and angrily nudged him in the side. As soon as they broke the surface, Zexion leapt away. "Kid! What the hell is wrong with you, you were drowning and I try to save you, then you freak out and begin wriggling away. Do you _want_ to die??!"

Zexion just ignored him and swam over to where Demyx was dipping his legs in the water. "Ready to go now?" He asked trying to conceal shudders everywhere the guy touched him. "Dem?" Said person blinked and smiled up at Zexion. "Sure…"

They were finally escaping the treacherous dolphins that had it in for Zexion. Animals just didn't seem to be fond of him. So far, the day had been pretty dismal. He had been woken up early, submersed in a tank that stank of fish, and then molested by a random stranger. Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant.

He looked around and spotted a glint of silver. Riku was the only person Zexion knew who had that silver long hair. "Demyx…Is that Riku?" he asked, not willing to make a fool out of himself once again. With his luck it was bound to be someone who looked like Riku but actually wasn't. Demyx raised his head, "Yeah. It is, and that's Sora next to him, with Roxas and Axel behind them." He then went back to thinking what he was before he was interrupted.

They both stopped and waited for their friends to come to them. Zexion was still fuming slightly. 'Gee Demyx thanks; I never knew you cared so much.' He shook his head to remove those thoughts. Demyx probably didn't notice so he couldn't blame him. As much as that hurt to admit.

"Hey! Zexion, Demyx! How are you guys?" Sora's enthusiastic voice echoed loudly around the open ground, many people turned to see who the animated boy was yelling at. "HEY SORA! We're great! What about you?" 'Sure, go ahead and assume Demyx.' Riku, Axel, and Roxas all walked slightly behind Sora as he ran towards Demyx. Zexion trudged after his overly loud best friend.

Sora and Demyx were chatting about something. When he saw a gesture towards the dolphin tank, he felt his blood run cold. Not the dolphins…the _freaking _dolphins. Already Sora was tugging Demyx towards it. "H-hey Dem…I'm going to sit out this time okay?" Zexion stuttered, shuddering slightly as he remembered his clothes were still wet and cooling quickly.

"Oh, okay Zexy. You stay there and…" The teen paused, as a thought crossed his mind. Murmuring quietly to his smaller friend, they both ran off towards the tank. 'Nice to know that I'm cared about so much.' Zexion gave in, he couldn't do this anymore. It was obvious that Demyx didn't feel the same way he did. It had taken him five years to come to this conclusion.

He'd always cared about him, ever since he met him, and when they were both 12, he realised he cared more than a friend would. Deep down, he had always hoped that even if the blond didn't feel the same way straight away that he would learn to care about him.

Guess it just goes to prove, hope is for fools.

"Sora…Do you think I should leave Zexy alone like that?" His tone was hesitant and thoughtful. "Why not? Did something happen?" Brilliant azure eyes looked up curiously. Demyx shifted, slightly uncomfortable.

"Ummmmmmm…well, its just that ZexywasnearlydrowningbecauseadolphinIthoughtwasniceturnedtonotbeniceandwelldecidedtohurthimandthenthisrandomdudehadtosavehimandIthinkhesannoyed." He then breathed deeply, glad to have gotten it all out in one breath.

Sora stared at him bewildered. "Ummm…in human language, not monkey or…fish. If you don't mind, I didn't understand a word of that." Demyx sighed, "Well see we were um…swimming in the dolphin tank and well…A dolphin decided he didn't like Zexy."

Sora snorted, "When does _any_ animal _ever_ like Zexion?" Demyx glared. "Sorry, go on…"

"Well, so the dolphin whacked him under the water and Zexy didn't bother to try to swim back up because he was tired and so he was drowning. I was worried, but then before I could go save him this random guy jumped in and well…grabbed him. I think Zexy's all annoyed because well he was kinda…molested and Zexy doesn't like being touched at times. So...Yeah well…Erm…He could be annoyed."

Sora blinked. "Well yeah, I guess he would be…wait…You mean a guy seriously felt Zexion up? Dude…That's gross! Get back to him now!!! He must be traumatized! Geez, Demyx! How can you be so cold and unfeeling?! GO NOW!" The next thing Demyx knew, he was being shoved back to the others with a towel in his hand.

Demyx mumbled, "I was going to go back. I'm not that cold!" Mumbling under his breath and pouting, he walked back to Zexion. It was only then he remembered what Sora said. "HEY! I don't talk like a fish _or_ a monkey!" Fuming, he wandered back to Zexion who appeared lost in his thoughts with melancholy expression across his features.

Dropping the towel on his head, he collapsed onto the floor next to him. "Hey, Zexy…Are you okay?" His voice jolted Zexion out of his daydream. With a small nod, Zexion went back to gazing into the distance, after removing the towel from his head and holding it loosely.

With a frown, Demyx swiped it out of his limp hands and wrapped it around him. "Zexy you're going to catch a cold if you're not careful. You should take better care of yourself. If you don't then I will for you." With a huge smile he moved the towel until it was covering both of them and pulled his silent best friend closer.

This jolted Zexion into reality, "D-Dem…W-w-what are you d-doing?!" He stuttered nervously, a faint blush dusting across his cheeks. He looked away embarrassed and tried to shuffle slightly further away. Demyx just smiled more and pulled him closer again, pulling Zexion onto his lap almost. If he hadn't been blushing before, well, he was crimson now.

"I'm keeping you warm with both our body heat." Zexion stopped stuttering and just stared at him incredulously. "What? I _do_ pay attention in biology sometimes! I'm not a complete retard." Demyx huffed and turned his face away, causing the other to smile and unconsciously snuggle closer.

Axel smiled wistfully, watching Zexion and Demyx just did that to him. They were so lucky! They didn't seem to realize it though. Arguments between them were sorted out so simply, it made him envious.

Sighing, he watched Riku struggle with himself for a moment before he ran after Sora. "Hey! Since Dem dropped out, I'll come with you." "Thanks Riku!" Even glancing around lazily, he could spot all kinds of couples, smiling and just having a good old time. It seemed everything was going good for anyone except himself.

"Axel…Um…" His eyes widened. Looking down, he saw a slightly nervous blond fiddling with his sleeves. "Yeah Rox?" Roxas jumped slightly and pointed to the rollercoaster ride to their left. "Um…Wanna go on that…With me?"

His eyes avoided Axel's like a plague, focused totally on his dark sleeves. Axel smiled softly, "Sure." Roxas's head whipped up and he stared at Axel for a while, before his eyes softened and he smiled slightly. "Cool."

"Hey, Zex, Dem, we're going on the rollercoaster, see you guys soon." A small nod and wave were all he got from both of them. Smiling, they both headed over to the rollercoaster. Roxas just happened to by chance pick the largest rollercoaster in the entire theme park/zoo place they were in. _Oh well…Good thing I have no fear of heights. I think._

Many loops-the-loops and sore heads later, Axel and Roxas emerged from the rollercoaster ride. Axel swearing quietly, so only a few words could be made out, Such as: 'Fucking Rollercoaster' and 'You fucker.' **(1)** Roxas seemed perfectly fine, even a small smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

Demyx and Zexion hadn't moved much from the spot where Axel and Roxas had left them, except instead of sitting down with Demyx curled around Zexion, they had substituted their position to one of lying down tightly entwined around each other. It had attracted a few love-struck fans, which were standing, gazing at the slumbering duo lovingly.

Roxas and Axel looked at each other before slipping through the crowd beside their two friends. Axel squatted down and gently shook Demyx awake. "Hey, you've attracted a crowd. So you might want to move before they start glomping Zexion." He stated with a twinkle in his eye. He then stooped to shake Zexion out of slumber.

"Wait, don't wake him." A quizzical brow was raised. Demyx blushed slightly, causing the watching fans to coo in delight. Roxas looked quite bemused at their show of love for two boys they didn't even know. "Well…He hasn't been getting much sleep because of me lately." Axel's eyebrow rose higher and suddenly there was silence. Demyx stuttered. "N-NO! That's not what I meant…I've just made him watch DVDs with me late into the early hours of the morning. That's what I meant."

Skeptic eyes followed his every movement. "I-I-Its true!" He ducked his head, ears and cheeks crimson. Roxas smiled softly. "I believe you Dem." Axel looked up, then sighed and went "If Roxas does, then I guess I have to agree. Right now, what do we do with Zexion?" He straightened, scratching his head. "We can't just leave him here…Well we _could_ but I kinda like having the use of my legs."

"I'll carry him. I'm the only one he won't murder or mutilate when waking up to discover he's in someone's arms." Axel and Roxas both nodded. "That's true. Well, looks like it's up to you Dem. Although I suppose he isn't that heavy, I mean look at the size of him, he's only just bigger than Rox." A death glare was sent his way. "Eh heh…Just kidding Rox, you're not small. _ Nooo, not at all._"

Demyx just shook his head to clear the grogginess, stooped, and gently picked up Zexion without waking him. This had to be an art, because Zexion woke at the sound of a pin drop. Then they walked towards the dolphin tank determining that _that_ was where Riku and Sora were.

The splashes and shrieks (Well _manly_ yells) backed up their judgment.

Sora was a fish. Well, figuratively speaking. He lacked the gills and fins but other than that came pretty close to being a fish. _Riku was not a fish_. He disliked water and tolerated it only in the shower, where it would enhance his hair's beautiful shine.

So needless to say, water that stank of fishes and had no benefit to his hair did **not** a happy Riku make. Why was Riku suffering like this you ask? It was due to his smaller best friend who had an unnatural fixation with dolphins.

If Riku was less sure of himself he would hate the dolphins for fascinating his Sora. Yet strangely the dolphins loved Riku, must be his shiny hair. He always knew his hair would save him when most needed. So as he sat there, smug smirk on his face and floating easily, he was totally unprepared when a brunette cannonball leapt on him and submerged them both under the water. Sputtering, Riku raised wiping his streaming eyes and glaring at said best friend. "Sora…What was that for?" Sora was giggling to himself. "Why are you laughing?" "N-Nothing, Riku I just…Never imagined y-you would squeal like a girl!" Sora collapsed into tears of laughter.

As the remainder of their group discovered where they were hiding out, more giggles and chuckles surrounded Riku. His day was officially going to be terrible. Not only was he being laughed at by friends (who he doubted would ever let him forget this incident), but now he would smell like the terrible critters that reduced him to this (fish), for the rest of the day.

He decided that he could quite sympathize with Zexion. No wonder he had looked so miserable when they first met up. Riku had seen the light! He wouldn't be mean to Zex anymore…Wait a minute! Isn't that him snoring away in Demyx's arms? Do…Do I see a towel?! Screw the niceness, Zexion had Dem to look after him, he'd be fine. What about poor Riku?! Nobody would look after _him_.

_So Riku did wither away from lack of attention and love. His gravestone a blank memorial with merely his name and dates, no personal touches. No one cared. His hair was cut off and then placed in a museum to dictate the tragic life of a teenage tragedy whose life was over before it even began._ Riku shook his head. Dude that had been freaky! It was like foreseeing his own death, except…God Riku hoped that wasn't how he would go!

Axel yawned loudly. "Guys, we've been walking in circles for an hour now, its obvious there's nothing left we want to do. Let's just go home. I'm tired." There was a murmur of agreement throughout the entire group. With the exception of Zexion whose quiet snores could barely be taken as compliance, but they doubted he would disagree anyway.

They separated and went their own ways, meaning that Demyx walked off with Zexion, and the rest stumbled zombie like to Riku's car. It had been a long day. One that many would hate to repeat. In fact, thinking about it, only Sora or Demyx would be inclined to return.

After a non-descriptive journey, resulting in two twins slumbering gently in the back, they arrived home. Riku picked up Sora who was out like a light, (Actually, he guessed that even if he dropped Sora, he would probably stay asleep.) while Axel just shook Roxas' shoulder gently. Sleepily, the blond raised his head and, yawning, tripped out of the car and up the stairs.

Axel stayed outside, waiting on Riku to return. He received nothing more than a quiet "G'Night." From Roxas, but for Axel that was enough. The twilight masked the small smile that crept across his face.

"Goodnight Roxas. Sleep well."

A/N:

**(1)** – This was actually my reaction on a rollercoaster in Paris, yeah there were like 7 loop-the-loops in one go and your head felt like a bruised banana when you finally got off lol. So yeah Silva swears on rollercoasters. ;)   
** TA-DA!** I finished at long last! I have to admit though, this chapter has taken me a long time to finish and so I apologize for all the trouble I've caused. I've had many things on my mind, I know that doesn't excuse it, but hopefully as it's the holidays I can update more frequently :D

On a second note, I have a lufferly Beta now :D Ladies and gentlemen, I do welcome into the YLMAA cast and staff: **Forgotten Melodies.**

She's awesome and I luff her: D (Psst, you guys should also be glad because she encourages Silva to move her lazy ass and start writing lol.) (B/N: Damn straight!)


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